AJ is a floor director for HLN's "Morning Express with Robin Meade". She has been obsessed with this season of Idol, and takes notes to share with the Morning Express writers and producers. The opinions below are AJ’s alone and do not necessarily reflect those of the staff of "Morning Express with Robin Meade" or HLN. For one last time this season... these are her impressions of last night:

For whom does the confetti fall? It falls for thee, Scotty McCreery, and how he lapped it up. Taste the rainbow, Scotty! It tastes like victory.

Despite faux drama and suspense brewing since Tuesday night, the country boy’s coronation capped off two hours so chock-full of performances and celebrity appearances it’s like they were being doled out by Oprah. You get a Beyonce! And you get a Jack Black! You! I don’t like you, you get a Marc Anthony. Don’t feed him after midnight.

Of course there was a series of tepid numbers reuniting the top 13. If you cocked your head and thought “Who dat?” You weren’t alone…a handful of these people might as well have been strangers. Remember Ashthon? Thia? Yeah, me neither. But They Were Born This Way, clad in white and waiting to be raptured. The girls did a Beyonce medley, joined by Ms. B herself, but in my opinion they were far overshadowed by the men singing Tom Jones, or more specifically, Tom Jones himself. Tom freaking Jones! What kind of legend are you if you’re still picking ladies undergarments off your suit at 70 years old?

In the spirit of Dreams Coming True n Stuff, our final few got paired off with some of their own idols. James, coiffed, bedazzled and in fine spirits, hollered with Judas Priest, Jacob preached it with Gladys Knight and Kirk Franklin, and Haley sang beautifully and danced awkwardly with Tony Bennett. Casey sang a bizarre bromantic Fat Bottom Girls with Jack Black, during which they tried, and failed, to out-weird each other. Let’s call it a draw, boys. As for our final two, Lauren sang “Before He Cheats” before Carrie Underwood and her greased up legs joined her. It was a fine performance, but it looked like they were really into pantomiming like, “Yeah, it really sucks he cheats! No? We really can’t relate on any other level!” Scotty leathered up to sing “Live Like You Were Dying” with Tim McGraw, a song with the implicit wisdom that if you are, in fact, dying, you should participate in activities like skydiving and bull riding. Although my dying wish would be to just look at Tim McGraw a little more…Scotty’s been touted as a sex symbol in the making, but standing next to that t-shirted man mountain, it’s clear he has a long way to go.

As far as solo performances, a few Idol mentors returned to show the little kiddies how it’s done. Beyonce slunk around and taught us that the best bedroom conversations involve math. Marc Anthony emerged from his goin’ out coffin and sang in Spanish while JLo-hontas shimmied her fringe in his face. The whole thing there was kind of icky. Lady Gaga, looking like a Star Wars extra perched on cliff, groped and gasped through her new single, “Edge of Glory”. She’s on the edge, get it? Literally and, uh, maybe figuratively. Double ick. Then she made out with the shirtless man and they jumped. Yawn. Typical Gaga. Some Steven. Some piano. Ah, memaw Tyler never gets old.

Then it’s Scotty, everyone, and he crumpled over before making out with Lauren, I think, and hugging everyone in ‘tarnation while singing his victory song, “I Love You This (shudder) Big”. He was probably trying his hardest to avoid actually singing the song. Boss move, McCreery! A pro already. He got a little loopy, poor boy, catching confetti in his mouth and generally being odd, and somewhere someone was probably whispering his ear, “Hey kid, millions of people are watching you make a fool of yourself on TV,” but he didn’t care, dernit, he’s just a fancy singing sweet pea who just won American Idol, and if he wants to pretend confetti pieces are delicious snowflakes and ramble on about Lauren Alaina and God and sit down on the stage and weep as the credits roll, that’s what he’ll do, thankyouverymuch!

So that’s the season, Idol watchers. Through angst (why so country?) and shocking eliminations (Pia!), frustrations and threatened boycotts (Idol hates women!), a very deserving fellow prevailed, with equally deserving contenders trailing behind. Only one can win. Was it the one you wanted? What did you think of the season? Will you watch again? I thought it was pretty awesome, guys!

Let’s have one for the road: was it…'in it to win it?'

Special thanks to AJ for really going above and beyond the duties of "Floor Director" to write these recaps all season. We hope they made you smile at LEAST as much as they did for all of us at "Morning Express with Robin Meade." Maybe we'll be able to convince her to be our "Idol Expert" again next year.

Posted by: Morning Express Floor Director AJ
Filed under: American Idol • Beyonce • Carrie Underwood • Extras • Gaga • Gladys Knight • Jack Black • Jennifer Lopez • Judas Priest • Lady Gaga • Lauren Alaina • Marc Anthony • Oprah • Randy Jackson • Ryan Seacrest • Scotty McCreery • Steven Tyler • Tim McGraw • Tom Jones • Tony Bennett

AJ is a floor director for HLN's "Morning Express with Robin Meade". She has been obsessed with this season of Idol, and takes notes to share with the Morning Express writers and producers. The opinions below are AJ’s alone and do not necessarily reflect those of the staff of "Morning Express with Robin Meade" or HLN. These are her impressions of last night:

I should have known things would be wonky tonight when our final two first walked out, Lauren in her typical prom queen and/or Dynasty cast member getup, and Scotty in…a t-shirt. Like he was about to go bale some hay. Scotty, this could be one of the most important nights of your tender little life. Get a shirt with a collar, or at least one with some glitter on it. It went about this way for the whole hour, Scotty being handed proverbial t-shirts of songs, and Lauren spinning super-special sugary moments with her mom, herself, and her wardrobe. Is this payback for Scotty’s crazy emotional hometown visit last week? Or maybe they’re trying to even the field, because honestly, before last night I would have bet it all on Scotty to be the first warbling pony over the finish line. Now, am I sure? Am I not sure? I’m not sure. But something was off.

First up was Lauren’s doctor, with one of the best performances of the night, delivering cautionary yet hopeful news that Lauren had blown a vocal chord (that’s the technical term) during rehearsal, but was on some serious meds and would do great. Yo yo dawg, not the best excuse for me personally, but I think you rocked it, Doc. Nice scrubs.

And so Scotty, after a gentlemanly deferral of a coin toss, was up first with his favorite song of the season, “Gone”. He did Montgomery Gentry right again, with more restraint and exactitude, not to mention a merry band of musicians caravanning behind him. His personal Idol, George Strait, did himself a personal favor and chose “Check Yes or No” as Scotty’s second song. Yay! This was my JAM when I was like, nine! It would have been nice to hear a more interesting song choice, but you gotta appreciate the combination of youthful rhetoric and oh-so-subtle pleas to for fans to check “yes” when Scotty hands them that ballot. There was more toddler talk for Scotty’s hypothetical coronation single “I Love You This Big”. Are. You. Kidding. Who let this happen? Is this the appropriate song for someone with a shot at being the country Justin Bieber? Then again, take a scan of country radio and you’ll find songs like “Billy’s Got His Beer Goggles On” and “Honky-Tonk Badonkadonk” . Sooo the bar for song titles is pretty low. I kid because I love. Should we even get started on the use of profoundly un-lyrical words like “experience”? No, we shouldn’t.

Let’s go instead to glitterbomb Alaina, who wisely chose Carrie Underwood’s “Flat on the Floor”, a virtually fool-proof song. She killed it dead, but probably left her personal Idol Carrie with a conundrum. To pick one of her own songs, or to not pick one of her own songs? The latter, leaving Lauren with Pam Tillis’ “Maybe It was Memphis”. Maybe it was pretty good, if you could take your eyes off all that gold. I guess cowgirl ballerina is going to be her trademark now? Is it weird I find it endearing? Finally, her possible single: “Like My Mother Does”, which was appropriate for many reasons, not the least is the obvious fact that she looks and sounds exactly like her mom, to a nearly creepy extent. This was emotional, guys! Couldn’t you feel the emotion? No? Try harder! It’s really important you feel this way! If you need more persuasion, here’s a hug with Alaina Senior! But seriously, meh. Maybe I’m allergic to this particular brand of sap, but others seemed to deem it Lauren’s emotional apex, and her victory, at least for the evening, was set. The judges, after an hour of sitting and bobbing in near silence, overwhelmingly preferred Lauren. Yeah they’re entitled to their opinion, but why you gotta do Scotty like that?

I’m in a bind, you guys. Was it just me, or was last night’s show a little loaded with Lauren? Granted, she probably did have the better night. Her singing was pretty excellent, but Scotty has been consistently better the entire season. Are we underestimating Scotty’s rabid tween fan base and it won’t even matter? Really, am I late to the grumblefest because the spin is finally jeopardizing a contestant I favor? (Save, of course, Casey, who never had a chance). American Idol: The real source of life’s important questions. Fret not, all will be answered in tonight’s finale. Be there or be a square dancer.

Posted by: Morning Express Floor Director AJ
Filed under: American Idol • Extras • Jennifer Lopez • Randy Jackson • Ryan Seacrest • Steven Tyler

AJ is a floor director for HLN's "Morning Express with Robin Meade". She has been obsessed with this season of Idol, and takes notes to share with the Morning Express writers and producers. The opinions below are AJ’s alone and do not necessarily reflect those of the staff of "Morning Express with Robin Meade" or HLN. These are her impressions of last night:

If you do not want to know who was sent home on Thursday 5/19... do not read any further!

Hmm. Very interesting. I, like many people, thought Lauren was a goner after Wednesday’s pageantry. Instead, the kiss of elimination went to our sassy honey badger Haley, and boy, did she not look pleased. Honestly, I’m okay with that. Let’s explore:

Last night was obviously all about the hallowed hometown visits. Screaming people on the side of the road! Screaming people at high schools! Screaming people in fields! They were literally everywhere, and each Idol had their own way of dealing with the OMG of it all. Haley was jazzed, but honestly, she also seemed a little put off (“uh, thanks for freaking out”, she mumbled as she passed a girl practically in convulsions). She was also the least soggy of them, barely a tear mottled her perfectly made up eyes. As Ryan oft reminds us, THIS is American Idol, and bizarre /somewhat unsettling fan enthusiasm is part of the package. Sister, if you can’t jibe with mass crowd freak-outs, you’re on the wrong show.

Then it was Scotty’s turn to kiss the ground (and promptly wipe his mouth) in Garner, NC, and man, I’m split on the best parts of his visit. It could have been during his concert -in a field, of course- when country singer Josh Turner (of “Your Man” fame) surprised him onstage. Josh freaking Turner! Scotty was appropriately freaked out and starstruck and adorable and that’s why I love this kid, and can’t help it. Or it could have been when, after what seemed like miles and miles of signs, t-shirts and other Scotty-themed craft projects wielded by screaming females, our dear cherub crumpled back into his limo, sobbing, his adoring public just an arm’s reach away. It was like a movie! How does that happen, Idol producers? Explain it to me.

Lauren and her twinny mom made it to Rossville, GA, where Lauren squealed, twanged and thanked before taking a sobering drive through her storm-ravaged area. Impeccable lady-tears here, by the way. Lauren is a seasoned crier. She also met with an impossibly cute little boy who saved his family from a tornado, and it’s clear she has done her share of babysitting. I prefer my interactions with children to be limited to a firm handshake, but she was just as kind as could be.

In between these segments, a few real live people sang for us. If you haven’t heard Il Volo, an Italian tenor group made up of bronzed fetus Ken dolls, you’re not alone. They’re really big in places that aren’t America. They certainly captivated, as our contestants expressed slack-jawed awe at the trio’s are-they-seriously-teenagers voices.

At the complete other end of the spectrum was, well, what was it? An ostrich! Kim Kardashian! It was actually Nicole Scherzinger wiggling to a terrible song no one was listening to anyway. And 50 Cent was there, for literally thirty seconds, which is mathematically satisfying. Well played, Mr. Cent.

Yadda yadda, Scotty in, Lauren in, Haley out. Cue the most clear sign of emotion Haley has ever put forth on the Idol stage. She looked absolutely gobsmacked, before Ryan took her hand, mostly out of concern, I’m sure, and she snapped on a terrifying smile and beauty queen wave. Shock does strange things to people. Yadda yadda, Bennie and the Jets. Gosh, she really is such a fantastic singer.

Let’s go back to her hometown visit for a sec, and maybe we’ll find the reason this superbly talented chickie is no Idol fare. The best parts of her Chicago tour weren’t her and her public. They were just her, talking to the camera, her family, and even her faux-weepy bodyguard. Haley is a piano lounger, a crooner, and, despite her howl and growl act, a fairly intimate performer. She doesn’t seem to be a people person, and there’s no sin in that. Get thee to small venues, woman. There’s no sin in that either.

So it’s settled then. Scotty v. Lauren next week. What’s more important to you, armchair judges? Would you rather have the profoundly talented, yet vacant Haley, or the sweet-as-pie but slightly unripe Lauren? Are you like me, on the seemingly unstoppable Scotty train? Will it reach the station…of victory?

Posted by: Morning Express Floor Director AJ
Filed under: American Idol • Extras • Guest Blogger • iReport • Music

AJ is a floor director for HLN's "Morning Express with Robin Meade". She has been obsessed with this season of Idol, and takes notes to share with the Morning Express writers and producers. The opinions below are AJ’s alone and do not necessarily reflect those of the staff of "Morning Express with Robin Meade" or HLN. These are her impressions of last night:

Haley stumbles, Lauren fumbles, and dads galore! Wow, last night had it all, huh? Our final three amigos (lets see how many "three" phrases we can fit in here) served up a piping hot trilogy each (again!) of songs for our hungry hungry ears. And honestly? I was pretty satisfied.

SCOTTY: The young collard green has definitely proven himself as the most consistent singer. Even Beyonce seemed impressed, although I had to throw an eye roll at her when she politely said she loved Lonestar. Yeah, okay. Scotty’s cover of their cheese-tastic hit "Amazed" was surprisingly mature and unaffected, save his persistent habit of looking quizzically into the camera. There’s nothing in there, boy! Equally good was his Thompson Square number, answering for women folk everywhere the uncomfortable question, "Are You Gonna Kiss Me or Not?" (a firm no, for legal purposes). However, when fettered by a guitar and a too-low mic stand, his usual stage maladies are concentrated in his jumping-bean eyebrows and twangy pronunciations (I like you ay-lott!). He closed out with Kenny Rogers' "She Believes in Me". You could bore a hole in that song and let the sap drip out. Ugh. It was an okay choice, but not as awesome as a reprise of Scotty’s now-signature audition song… sung by his dad. Loved it. Baby lock them doors!

LAUREN: Poor dear. With each passing week, Lauren seems to get more adorable and equally more unhinged. Kind of like her wardrobe, with gigantic flowers blooming from her ears and a Disney fantasy prom dress confection that seemed to really bother Randy. And her ripped pantyhose! What a trooper, that wardrobe woman deftly oiling up La Alaina's bare legs moments before showtime. Anyhoo, girlfriend definitely had her ups and downs. Her personal pick, Faith Hill's "Wild One" was rushed when it should have been energetic, and seemed a little sparse for her big, sweet voice. Jimmy Iovine, who has been hitting the country radio a little hard it seems, set her up with The Band Perry's hit "If I Die Young". I don’t think little glitter princess is gentle or nuanced enough to tackle the song. She blew a key change, and spent the rest of the number trying to atone by showing off. Aw. I kind of felt sorry for her, though I had to laugh when JLo called it a "moment of honesty", the most diplomatic term for mistake ever. She finally hit her stride with a decadent "I Hope You Dance", a perfect choice for her voice and her style.

HALEY: Tonight was her night. She set the bar high-and it remained unsurpassed-with an unexpectedly awesome cover of Zeppelin's "What Is and What Should Never Be". MVPs of this performance were definitely the stairs, which finally exacted their revenge by tripping her, if only for a moment, and her guitar-shredding dad. What a nice moment for her. The dad part, not the tripping. She continued the high with her Stevie Nicks impersonation, "Rhiannon", during which she had some intimate moments with a wind machine. She’s never looked better, and Randy must have been dozing off when he called the song "somber". Really? She never had any hope of pulling off Alanis' "You Oughta Know", though, and not only because of the naughty lyrics and basement-level verses that muted her voice. It comes down to this: when you think angry girl music, you definitely think Alanis. You never think Haley.

So there they were. Did you love it, Idol people? Do you wanna kiss Scotty or not? Is Lauren a wild one? Should you oughta know Haley? See what I did there? Help! The suspense, it's driving us crazy!

Posted by: Morning Express Floor Director AJ
Filed under: Alanis Morissette • American Idol • Extras • Jennifer Lopez • Jordin Sparks • Randy Jackson • Ryan Seacrest • Steven Tyler

AJ is a floor director for HLN's "Morning Express with Robin Meade". She has been obsessed with this season of Idol, and takes notes to share with the Morning Express writers and producers. The opinions below are AJ’s alone and do not necessarily reflect those of the staff of "Morning Express with Robin Meade" or HLN. These are her impressions of last night:

What is this? There seems to be strange emotion water welling up in my eyes. It burns! Oh James Durbin, how did it get to this?

And to think the night started off on such a high note. The lads opened with "Start a Band", with Scotty playing Brad Paisley to James' Keith Urban (they both have madly coiffed hair). The Durbs was game for the country tune and their harmonies sounded competent.

The ladies retorted with Miranda Lambert's "Gunpowder and Lead". Are we pulling exclusively from country repertoire now? Not that I mind. There was a lot of blowing on imaginary smoking finger guns, and the performance is BAD. Bad as in good, you know? Like Michael Jackson or Jesse James. Finally, the opening numbers are actually fun! Maybe not the best, vocally, for me, dawg, but fun and that’s what painful results shows are about.

Then, of course, the big stars. Enrique Iglesias did a mash-up of his latest… I’m sorry, what was I saying? It suddenly got very hot in here.

Jordin "With An I" Sparks did her new single, "I am Woman." It's…intense, and not recommended for viewers prone to seizure or sudden cravings for Jiffy Pop. At the end, I honestly thought she was going to ask Steven Tyler to proclaim himself woman, but she was really just going in for the cheek kiss. Cute!

Speaking of our Idol memaw man, I have one word for his new music video: sloth. Forget the hot women, and the vast array of Kentucky Derby castoff hats. There was a short sequence of Steven cuddling a sloth, and seriously, how can you get better than that?

By now, Lauren is safe, and the next to be sent to what are now the golden stools is….Haley. The judges look slightly grim. James and Scotty are both favorites, so the choice ahead is painful.

And then Scotty is safe, but he couldn’t look less happy about it. If only they had a sloth to cuddle. The Idol hands should really look into that. James, almost always on the verge of crying, composes himself, says a few nice words, and sings himself out with "Maybe I’m Amazed". Agh! Why is everyone crying, make it stop!

Truthfully, James was never the most polished contestant, but he was at the emotional center of a lot of moments this season. Remember his sendoff to buddy Stefano? Or his near breakdown during "Without You"? I fully expected him to sail into the Top 3, but then, who else would have gone home? Does anyone have an explanation?

Posted by: Morning Express Floor Director AJ
Filed under: American Idol • Enrique Iglesias • Extras • Jennifer Lopez • Jordin Sparks • Lady Gaga • Randy Jackson • Ryan Seacrest • Steven Tyler

AJ is a floor director for HLN's "Morning Express with Robin Meade". She has been obsessed with this season of Idol, and takes notes to share with the Morning Express writers and producers. The opinions below are AJ’s alone and do not necessarily reflect those of the staff of "Morning Express with Robin Meade" or HLN. These are her impressions of last night:

A Whole Lotta Gaga... actually it was a whole lotta show in general. The second week of double dips from our singers gave us some drippy songs that inspire, and vintage Leiber and Stoller. Then of course, there was some Lady Gaga, with her sad panda getup and the kind of advice only a bizarro 25-year-old pop creature can give. I kid! I liked her. More on that later.

JAMES: Was anyone else all "OMG WHY" when the Durbs announced he was doing Journey? I calmed down when I realized he sounded good, even though this song is on the "No Fly List" of every restaurant/bar/back-alley karaoke joint ever. It's nice to hear the Idol types sing songs they actually know and like, as opposed to ones they've crammed into their brains in the span of a week. Luckily, no cramming for James, he picked up Love Potion #9 for his second set, and at the behest of a touchy-feely Gaga, went about the painful and complex task of actually moving his body with the music. Piano jumps? Yes. A little bump and sway? No. That's not what the Durbs is about.

HALEY: Growly earth girl totally harshed my mellow with MJ's "Earth Song". Yeah I know it's like, really meaningful and stuff, but that biz can get kind of preachy, especially since Haley, of all the contestants, is the least developed emotionally. Shall we defer to the judges? JLo and Randy continued their anti-Haley campaign, spurring a super awkward tete-a-tete. Like last week, she was revved up for her second song, "I Who Have Nothing". I thoroughly enjoyed Gaga as mentor, so often she appears to be riding the highest of horses but here she was – dare I say – down to earth? Haley took her nugget of theatricality and turned out solid, but the judges, swinging wildly from one side to the other with her, may have overpraised her out of guilt.

SCOTTY: So Scotty the Body is a thing now. Ok. If I had a million words, I couldn't explain to you how much I hate the song "Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning." But it was timely (except for that gem about not knowing the difference between Iraq and Iran. Oof.) and delivered with the level of McCreery aplomb we've come to expect. And Scotty and Gaga? Love. He tried to be as little freaked out as possible when Gaga instructed him to stick his tongue down the throat of his microphone girlfriend. "I better have a good lookin microphone," he quipped. Such a diplomat! Oddly enough, he surpassed Gaga in weirdness with his series of psycho cherub faces during his take on "Young Blood". Instead of pointing that out, and possibly weeping in terror, the judges' observations have just devolved into a series of hilarious quotes, like this one from Steven to Scotty: "You make Gaga's yaya go lala." Hahaha! Ew.

LAUREN: She framed her inspirational song in light of the tornado devastation in her part of the country, which was a smart move and lent some dimension to her usually cotton-candy kind of appeal. And gosh, Martina's "Anyway" sounded great on her. As for the fancy-pants mullet dress, well! That's a LOT of dress (though not enough, at the same time? A conundrum!). La Alaina was actually concerned about repeating the word "evil" ad nauseam in her Elvis cover. "I don't want America to think I'm evil!" she squeaked. Cowgirl, please. We'd have an easier time believing you were The King himself. However it is disappointing how unconvincing she was during her second performance, no matter how nice her voice, and I found myself wishing Haley had done this song instead.

And there's your top 4. What did you think of Gaga as mentor? Do you think the judges are too hard on Haley? And whose apple is going to be plucked from the Idol tree tonight?

Posted by: Morning Express Floor Director AJ
Filed under: American Idol • Extras • Gaga • Jennifer Lopez • Lady Gaga • Randy Jackson • Ryan Seacrest • Sheryl Crow • Steven Tyler

AJ is a floor director for HLN's "Morning Express with Robin Meade". She has been obsessed with this season of Idol, and takes notes to share with the Morning Express writers and producers. The opinions below are AJ’s alone and do not necessarily reflect those of the staff of "Morning Express with Robin Meade" or HLN. These are her impressions of last night:

*SPOILER ALERT: THE NAME OF THE PERSON ELIMINATED LAST NIGHT IS RIGHT BELOW THIS PICTURE*

Goodbye, Jacob Lusk. For weeks we have been watching you wail, flail, jig and preach, as your competition got picked off one by one. Now, amongst a waterfall of Lauren tears and Luther songs, we bid you too adieu.

But hey, he got a starring role in this week's Ford music video, which I actually forced myself to watch and listen to attentively. Just be yourself, guys! No matter whether you like to toss cards or park a car telekinetically! Gosh, my standards are low…which is probably why I found the group sing of "So Happy Together" totally amazing, in the fact it wasn’t nearly as traumatic as it could be.

Probably the best bit of the night was the nail-biting two-parter with Gordon Ramsay of Hell’s Kitchen infamy. It was all pretty funny! And kind of sad. Really, no one knows how to make an omelette? Or turn on a stove? Lauren rose to the task, bless her, and Jacob by default (some sick, ironic foreshadowing there?) and they went head to head in a blind taste test wherein Lauren prevailed again by identifying tofu (ew, yuck! Say all of the omelette-challenged others) and… a hot dog! What a refined palate this young lady has. My favorite Idol throughout was Scotty, though, who just could NOT stop giggling. Food, man! Hilarious!

Country juggernaut Lady Antebellum did their new single "Just a Kiss". I guess they’re pretty good – there’s the girl, and the dude, and the other dude who doesn’t sing but plays all the instruments so he’s always the awkward extra in their music videos. Whatever, they have Grammys, and the song was pretty catchy. To steal from the judges, "You can't judge that."

Which brings us to the most important moment of the night – JLo tore it up (in a taped segment, by the way) with rapper Pitbull as they urged everyone to get on the floor and/or dance the night away while putting their drinks up. Having a good time is so complicated. But of course they pulled out all the stops for the Lady of Idol – there was a rising platform (please please PLEASE use this in the finale!) and aerial shots and dancers in man-brassieres. There was also the issue of her sparkly Hammerpants, which an astute friend described to me as "the only outfit in the world that accentuates ZERO of the things that make her the world’s most beautiful woman." True dat.

Oh, and someone got eliminated. Ryan, who sits around in his lair plotting things like this, forced a safe Scotty to essentially choose the bottom two, either Lauren and Jacob or Haley and James. While a gigantic DUH rose above the crowd, Scotty demurred. Good boy.

So then there were Jacob and Lauren. La Alaina has never been in the bottom group, and was weeping so profusely and obviously it sucked all pain out of Jacob’s eventual fate, if there was any pain to be had in the first place. I will admit, seeing his family in the audience did it for me, and during his final lap with "A House is Not a Home", a new affection rose in my cold, black heart. Isn’t it funny how these chaps are most likeable as they walk out the door?

What do you think, fellow Idol-ers? How many weeks overdue was Jacob’s departure? Who would have/should have gone home instead? Who else really really wants to read Steven Tyler’s new book?

Posted by: Morning Express Floor Director AJ
Filed under: American Idol • Extras • Gaga • Jennifer Lopez • Lady Gaga • Randy Jackson • Ryan Seacrest • Steven Tyler

AJ is a floor director for HLN's "Morning Express with Robin Meade". She has been obsessed with this season of Idol, and takes notes to share with the Morning Express writers and producers. The opinions below are AJ’s alone and do not necessarily reflect those of the staff of "Morning Express with Robin Meade" or HLN. These are her impressions of last night:

Okay, I guess things are getting serious now. "This is the most important performance show…EVER" bellowed Ryan. Randy beat the snot out of his catch phrase: in it to win it! (by my count, at least five, but then I got tired and zoned out on Steven’s red ladyblazer instead. Homegirlyman knows how to dress!). Even guest mentor Sheryl Crow was fed the script, promising a great show.

Sheryl, you liar.

So it wasn’t the best Idol installment ever, but we did get treated to some amazing performances (Haley! Lauren!), if we clenched our teeth through the bad ones (Jacob!). Let’s look at the rundown:

JAMES: His 30 Seconds to Mars cover just wasn’t up to snuff. If you know this band, you know it’s fronted by Jared Leto, and their repertoire is pretty intense. James is wild, and entertaining, but he’s not really intense, you know? Case in point: he darts out of rehearsal for his second song, "Without You" to sit indian-style in a parking lot and boohoo because the song makes him think of how much he misses his family. Ha ha! What a water balloon. Joke’s on me though, because his tender, imperfect, emotional performance had me choking up. Now that’s the right kind of intensity for him.

JACOB:: Did Jacob really think singing "No Air" was a good idea? It was a total mess – from his flailing vocals to, perhaps the worst part, the unhelpful gaggle of backup singers who seemed to bring him down even more. Unacceptable. His take on "Love Hurts" was much better, but lacked nuance. Maybe I was spoiled by Sheryl, who threw out a few bars that were so soft and perfect it made Jacob's performance seem even more heavy-handed. No matter, the vocals were mostly there and that’s what counts, right?

LAUREN:: Well hot dang, Lauren has come to play. Her Carrie cover "Flat on the Floor" was flat-out entertaining, and she was really channelling a nice rocker girl vibe. Also, unimportant, but she looks amazing, no? A little toddler-beauty-pageant with the makeup, but hey, she's young, she can figure it out. Her "Unchained Melody" was also a win. "Nothing to judge here!" said JLo, while secretly trying to decide whether Lauren's outfit was a dress (yay!) or a jumpsuit (sinful!).

SCOTTY:: What an enigma, our Scotty. I truly feared for his life as he leaped off the stage during his fantastic Montgomery Gentry song. He might be the most strung out performer in the group, but as soon as the song stops he snaps back into this cherubic poker face that makes it seem like he's baffled about how, exactly, to look into a camera. Odd. Then, barely had he time to calm down before "Always on My Mind." It was subtle, mature and very enjoyable, but I may be biased. I think the boy is great.

HALEY:: Haley went for a deep cut with an unreleased Gaga song, "You and I." I was surprised the judges didn't support her more for taking a chance – haven't they been encouraging her to find herself? No matter, Haley seems to keep calm and carry on. The real story of the night was her "House of the Rising Sun." Easily one of the best performances of the season, definitely the best of the night. Flawless a cappella opening, attitude, soul, it had it all. And frankly I think Haley is a little blank most times. But not tonight, by any means! She's in it to…well, you know.

So there’s your Top 5, America. Who’s it gonna be tonight? Don’t say it, don’t say it! Let’s keep it to ourselves.

Posted by: Morning Express Floor Director AJ
Filed under: American Idol • Extras • Gaga • Jennifer Lopez • Lady Gaga • Randy Jackson • Ryan Seacrest • Sheryl Crow • Steven Tyler

AJ is a floor director for HLN's "Morning Express with Robin Meade". She has been obsessed with this season of Idol, and takes notes to share with the Morning Express writers and producers. The opinions below are AJ’s alone and do not necessarily reflect those of the staff of "Morning Express with Robin Meade" or HLN. These are her impressions of last night:

Idol watchers, meet Carole King, a legendary singer/songwriter who has penned many a tune for many a star. And if you didn’t know her before, well gosh, you got to know her last night as our Idols sang their way through her songbook.

If you were in The Southern U.S. like me, you might have had an extra viewing buddy – the Idol warbling was interrupted several times by a concerned-looking local weather man telling me I was about to get run over by a tornado. Scary stuff. We were lucky in Atlanta but many communites were not... click here to find out how you can help those affected by last night's historic storms. Now on with the warblilng:

Best: Scotty "The Body" McCreery (Why Ryan, why?). He should really be The Face, though. Homeboy either has impeccable genes or is a Maybelline man because his skin looks like a newborn cherub. I digress! After weeks of running round and round the same country track, Scotty hopped off for a tender, effective rendition of "You've Got a Friend". It is good to know that buttery voice of his holds fast outside his genre. Also, his performance was refreshingly free of weird tics, or maybe they just stapled his behind to the stage. Either way, he looked and sang like a normal person. Our country boy is growing up! It seems the soft touch had it last night. The unaccompanied beginning of Durbin's "Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow" was a vulnerable, gutsy move, though it quickly devolved into his usual Idol-rock fare. Is it just me, or has James' voice gotten significantly better? I recall a time when he couldn’t carry a tune if it wasn’t screeching through the stratosphere, and now, as an overenthusiastic Randy reminded us, the Durbs could win it all.

Worst: Jacob. I'll admit, it was nice to hear him loosen up and have fun on "Oh No, Not My Baby", but he still ended the song with his trademark "10 on the illustrated scale of pain at the doctor’s office" face. Perhaps he realized he doesn’t have the vocal chops of dearly departed Pia or the showmanship of James, so he’s forced to bop and wobble in aggressively plaid outfits to distract from his shortcomings. Oh, woe is Jacob!

Should Get Married and Go On Tour Together Immediately: Haley and Casey. How cute are these two? After a bang-up job on "Moanin'" a few weeks ago, the growling, scatting duo continued the awesomeness with "I Feel the Earth Move". Despite Casey being arguably the better performer, Haley outshone him here, which is testament to the fact they really bring out the best in each other's style. She tones him down, and he gives her more to work with. I know the duets didn't technically count, but I dare you to dislike either of them after watching this.

Admittedly, last night was not the most exciting, toe-tapping round of performances, but the difficult theme forced a lot of our favorites to show their mettle. Which brings us to the important questions: What is a mettle? Why do we want to see it? And who’s going home tonight? We may never know, but we probably will. And it will probably be Jacob or Casey.

Posted by: Morning Express Floor Director AJ
Filed under: American Idol • Extras

AJ is a floor director for HLN's "Morning Express with Robin Meade". She has been obsessed with this season of Idol, and takes notes to share with the Morning Express writers and producers. The opinions below are AJ’s alone and do not necessarily reflect those of the staff of "Morning Express with Robin Meade" or HLN. These are her impressions of last night:

Well, it finally happened. After weeks of perching in the stools of doom, Stefano was shuffled off the Idol coil. I think we all saw it coming, but the show-closing spinning bear hug from bestie James will easily rank in the show’s cutest/ saddest moments.

What was sadder was the opening set of the night. Tired of playing matchmaker, the Idol people clumped the contestants together in random groups, first with Lauren, Haley, Stefano and Jacob stumbling through Train’s “Hey, Soul Sister.” The way they sing ain’t fair, you know? Scotty, Casey and James fared slightly better with Coldplay’s “Viva la Vida”, especially Scotty. Who knew? Maybe he should change-up his game after all.

And then the Idol-lings talked about the unexpected trappings of their newfound fame, and they all sound pretty awesome. Scotty’s hometown named a cupcake after him, a Butterscotch Scotty, natch. Casey procured a delightfully bizarre painting depicting him and his dog on a cello, or was it an upright bass? Casey, who sets the standard for organic weirdness, seemed to be truly stymied by this piece of fan art. At this rate it’s only a matter of time before the human hair dolls and noodle portrait collages start pouring in.

As far as guest singers, David Cook of Season 7 fame and Katy Perry featuring Kanye West and his best fluffy pelt vest gave solidly okay performances. I’ve never been a sailor on the David Cook boat and I was too distracted by the lasers and blinking lights to notice anything special about Katy. Eh.

At the bottom of the show, we were presented with a familiar sight: Jacob, Haley and Stefano made encore appearances in the bottom three, before Ryan whispered “You’re safe” and Haley got to scamper back to the watermelon patch from whence she came. See? Ryan can be nice sometimes. And so, with the lights dimmed, America, Stefano was called out. Truthfully, it looked as if his last performance was one long, excellent sigh of relief. He has never sounded better. Was it his time, or would you rather have seen someone else out the door?

Posted by: Morning Express Floor Director AJ
Filed under: American Idol • David Cook • Extras