Your Guide To St. Patrick's Day

By Writer Keith

It's one of the best days of the year.

Pubs and bars will be filled with people dressed in green tipping back a pint or some whiskey pretending that they are living like the Irish. I don't just feel this way because I am of Irish descent. I say it because that in our oversensitive, PC society it's the one day that people poke fun at negative stereotypes and no one protests.

Make sure your St. Patrick's Day doesn't get ugly ... or as bad as it got in A-Tower at Franklin Pierce College in 1999.

I am guessing outside my favorite Irish pub today (The Black Rose in Boston) you are going to see people waiting to get in and no one holding a protest sign because the bar is promoting Irish stereotypes of drinking and violence. And if that person was there, they'd probably get punched by some guy named Sully.

No other holiday, maybe aside from Cinco de Mayo, does this. And that's what makes this article so tough to write. As I told people at work, it's real hard to say "What if we did this or that on (insert holiday)?" without offending someone. So I'll stick with what I know: Giving you some advice on how to have a good time.

The Food:
The traditional fare: a boiled dinner of corned beef and cabbage, usually with carrots and potatoes. You dump it all into a pot, add water and spices, boil, eat. It's pretty simple.

To be honest, Irish food has made giant leaps in the past 10 years but before then the spiciest thing we'd eat is salt. Now there are two types of corned beef. The red and the grey. The grey is considered New England-style corned beef. Now when I moved to Atlanta, I used to call butcher shops looking for the grey and was given the same response: Doesn't that mean it's spoiled? Nope it's just brined.

Starting this past Saturday, I bought a roast, a gallon of water, and a pound of Kosher salt. Dumped it into a stockpot and left it in the kitchen. Now that's good eating. There is also Irish soda bread. It's called that because it uses baking soda instead of yeast to rise. And speaking of rising: nothing will ever top my friend Danielle swiping a loaf from our college cafeteria to bring to the feast at my apartment. GO FPC RAVENS!!!

The Trivia:
If you want to impress your friends after tossing a few back tonight, here are some nuggets. The day is on March 17th as a remembrance of the death of St. Patrick, the guy who spooked all of the snakes out of Ireland. The first St. Patrick's day parade was held in New York City. Other big cities for the parade are Savannah, GA, Chicago, and Boston. (Speaking of which, Boston cracked down on public drinking this year at the parade. Listen, there are kids at these things. If you want to walk around with a red plastic cup, OK. If you want to walk around with a bottle of vodka you deserve the ticket. Plus, how hard is it to find a bar in Southie?) There are about 34 million people in America that claim they are of Irish decent. That's more than the actual number of people in Ireland.

The Music:
Chances are if you go to an Irish pub, there will be a band there playing traditional Irish tunes. Remember, most of these songs are interactive so have fun. Some of my favorites are "Whiskey in the Jar," "The Rocky Road To Dublin," "The Wild Rover," and "The Fields of Athenry." If you are looking for some CD's from bands to play at your party I like The Dubliners, The Chieftains, The Pogues, and (my true favorite) The Dropkick Murphys.

Speaking of the Pogues, they'll be playing a show up in Boston when I am visiting. I was thinking about going but their lead singer Shane MacGowan is completely impossible to understand at this point. I mean even more than 1987. God love him though. He wrote some beautiful music.

The Bar and the drink:
First and foremost: Don't overdo it and if you do have a DD or for the love of God call a cab, take the bus, walk, take a knife and slash your tires. Live to fight another day. Don't become a statistic or even worse make someone who you may not even know a statistic.

Now then ... back to the show. What you should never do is drink green beer. Seriously. I mean, don't do this. A bartender once gave me a green beer for free and I refused it. If I were a bartender and someone asked me for one, I'd cut them off. I mean it makes your pee orange, it's pretty insulting to the Irish, and YOU SHOULD NEVER DO IT!!!!

If you go to your local Irish pub, be prepared for a crowd. A big crowd. If you have a local non-Irish pub, I suggest going there. Less people and they probably have Guinness and Harp and whiskey or whatever. They may even have a corned beef and cabbage plate on the menu. Also when you’re there don't try and speak in a brogue or do a jig. However do pinch anyone who is not wearing green. The pinch is also ok at work. Most people who don't wear green to work always have the same look. "I had no idea it was on the 17th this year." I can also not stress this enough: Do not look into the eyes of a leprechaun. I mean they've made movies about how mean those guys are.

Well that's it. Have fun. Let me know what you like to do for St. Patrick's day. Slainte!