February 13, 2009
Posted: 05:22 AM ET
By Writer Keith
Hey guys … I hate to break it to you, but Valentine’s Day is tomorrow.
Many of you have probably already made plans to celebrate the patron saint of Hallmark, but if you haven’t by now you may be SOL (suddenly out of luck). But for those of you who realized that Valentine’s fell on the 14th this year, have fun. Fine dining, champagne, chocolate. My lady gets to supersize when I yell the order into the clown’s mouth. Extra fries and soda for my woman … that’s how I roll.
Hey buddy…it’s Friday. That letter isn’t getting there in time.
Speaking of my wife, she has been hard at work at her accounting firm during tax season, taking college courses online, and putting up with my day-to-day nonsense. She’s a pregnant triple threat.
Consider me not-on-board for the latest “stab my childhood in the heart” remake of “Friday the 13th.” If it’s a remake, how is Jason with the hockey mask in it? He didn’t show up slashing people with the mask until the third movie after he thankfully killed Shelly (the most annoying character in horror film history). As Crazy Ralph would say about this movie: “Doomed…You’re all dooooooomed!” I miss the days from college when me and my buddy O’B would stay up until 3 am drinking beer and watching old horror flicks making the same bad jokes. Someone gets stabbed… “hey you think he got the point?”
I am terrible with money. I’ve already spent the extra 13 bucks a week I am getting in my paycheck soon.
We’ve seen tons and tons of commercials beating it into men’s dumb heads that Valentine’s Day was coming up. Pajamas, flowers, teddy bears. But seriously, has any woman ever fallen head over heels with getting flannel pj’s for a gift. And what kind of guy wears a white undershirt to work and has a heart tattoo on his arm that says “love”?
OK, so A-Rod is now A-Roid. I actually interviewed him during one of the years he was allegedly taking the performance enhancing drugs. Nice guy, canned answers. Though he did sign the cast of one of the kids watching me talk with him.
Here’s the thing. When you are an elite athlete you know every single thing that goes into your body. I am also not buying that a senior writer from Sports Illustrated broke into his house. It’s Sports Illustrated not TMZ. Plus, no police report? Please remember that we here at the Morning Express are not “loosey goosey” when it comes to our show. The only performance enhancing drugs we take are Diet Coke and bagels.
I thought I saw the Dali Lama at the grocery store the other day. Turns out it was just a bald guy wearing a maroon Snuggie.
Nothing but the Grammys makes me realize how out of touch I am with today’s music. I kept telling myself “that doesn’t look like Jimmy Page” when I saw Robert Plant and Alison Krauss on stage.
I’ve finally become part of the “Facebook” community. That thing is worse than crack. It does have its benefits though. One of the people my wife grew up with is now the head chef at her favorite restaurant. That’s good eating.
So let me know what’s up with you heading into this weekend. We always love to hear from you.
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