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December 16, 2008 “These People Should Be Put In Jail”Posted: 08:23 AM ET
From Writer Keith One trimester down, two to go. It’s been an interesting time so far for the gestation period of my soon to be new baby Dustin Lester Jacoby. 
When a 6’4”, 285 pound defensive lineman tells you your kid looks like a squirrel you just sorta just take his word for it.  My wife has her good days and her bad days and her days where she gives me that look that says “you did this to me!” We’ve also discovered what the baby likes to eat and what the baby hates. Our kid apparently loves boneless buffalo wings but really hates Mexican food. Also, kids menus at restaurants have been a big help since my wife finds eating several small meals a day suits her better than three big ones. I’d rather pay $4 for a half-eaten kids meal than $20 for a half-eaten adults meal. Like the good guy that I pretend to be, I have made every single doctor’s appointment. It is incredible. We got to show the first ultra-sound pics to everyone in our family. My cousin Kyle thinks the kid looks like a squirrel. I’d argue with him, but he’s a college football player that can bench over 400 pounds. Sometimes you have to pick your battles. Our doctors so far have been in full “CYA” mode (cover your a**) in most of our appointments. “There’s a 15% chance of this, a 20% chance of that ...”. This kind of talk freaks my wife out, but they are just protecting themselves from any lawsuit. Still, it’s not real good bedside manner. Now the fun part: registering for baby gifts. My wife has advised me that we can’t register for a 50-inch flat screen TV despite my insistence that I want my kid to watch “The Wiggles” in hi-def. We started at one of those baby specialty stores. They sat down, consulted with us, and annoyed me something fierce. While I applaud the advances in child safety, somehow my parents managed to raise me without all of these gadgets. Then seeing the prices on the “suggested registry items” I told my wife that “these people should be put in jail.” We’re in a lousy economy and the store expects our family to dish out 100 bucks for some video baby monitor? I am pretty sure if the kid is screaming from its room, I’ll wake up. I don’t really need to see it on the TV. When we finished registering, they gave us a list of stuff “we forgot.” I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. Wisely, we went to one of those mega-department stores after registering at the baby store and found most of our items at 20% or more cheaper. Guess where we were pointing the “registering gun” at next? So now the exciting time begins. We are planning to find out if we are having a boy or the girl in the next couple of weeks. The room we have picked out is bright blue, not exactly gender neutral. I will continue to try and make as many doctor’s appointments as possible. From everything I’ve read, the second trimester is a lot easier. Thank goodness. I am exhausted. Posted by: Writer Keith |
 
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